Ugh. Its Monday…need I say more? It also happens to be the Monday after the time change. Double whammy. My boys went from laying around complaining about how tired they were to bouncing off the walls. I had to spend the first half of my morning prodding them along and the second half refereeing the WWE melee happening in their bedrooms. It was enough to push even the most patient mom over the edge. I heard my youngest scream out and start to cry, not your normal cry either, the kind where they can’t breathe. I heard my oldest apologizing to him. I rushed in to see what was going on. They weren’t listening. They were horsing around and not doing what they needed to be doing. One was kicking the other was punching…someone got hurt and just like that, I lost it. I screamed, I yelled and I might have let a curse word fly. (I am not proud but let’s get real here, it happens) Have you ever had a moment where you wanted to strangle your child and hug them all at the same time?
I hate that moment when you lose your temper and your kids look at you all shocked. That “what could we have possibly done to shove you over the edge and make you snap?” look. Do you know the one I am talking about? My boys looked at me like that this morning. As I was storming around frustrated and upset, I was going over the incident in my mind. The mom guilt settled in. It was weighing on my heart. I don’t like losing my temper and yelling. I don’t like getting that look from my boys. I absolutely hate starting the morning that way. My heart breaks thinking about sending them out the door with that being our last moment together.
I was getting dressed beating myself up for losing my temper when a quote from Lysa Turkeurst’s book Unglued came to mind. “Bad moments don’t make bad mamas.” I really needed to hear that his morning. The mom guilt is real and can really do a number on my heart. They were in trouble and they knew it but I didn’t need to act crazy and get out of control. It’s ok for our kids to see us be human. It’s ok for them to see us stumble and fall. It is also very important for them to see us stand back up, brush ourselves off and apologize. I found them each alone in their bedrooms. I said I was sorry for losing my temper and for acting the way I did. We talked about why they were in trouble and why I was upset. I gave them each a hug and told them I loved them.
We can’t always be calm, cool and collected and we will all certainly have those freak out moments from time to time. We all also have a choice how we recover from those moments. Saying I was wrong and apologizing didn’t mean I wasn’t mad or that they weren’t in trouble. It just means I could have handled the situation better. I still feel like I need a hug and they are still grounded today but I hope they left the house today knowing the despite all of it, I love them and nothing will ever change that.